Genuine Compassion

“Compassion sometimes requires us to be firm, to disappoint, and to say no. True compassion is giving from a place of authenticity and integrity as opposed to giving from a place of obligation and expectation.” -Candace Thoth

As a society we praise individuals who sacrifice their lives for the well-being of others. We idolize individuals who continuously give and those who always seem “nice.” For many years, I truly believed that my purpose was to make others feel good even at the expense of my own well-being. This mentality quickly led to compassion fatigue and burnout, but it ultimately allowed me to see where I had been untrue to myself and others. Here are some of the misconceptions I had about compassion:

  1. A compassionate person should rarely say no to others.
  2. A compassionate person should always put others first.
  3. A compassionate person should always makes people feel good.
  4. A compassionate person should always go out of their way to help.
  5. A compassionate person should “fix it” whenever someone is suffering.

The above statements are just a few of the many misconceptions I had about what it means to be compassionate. Contrary to my intentions, operating from these beliefs resulted in being inauthentic and becoming resentful. Giving because we think we should or because we feel obligated to give is not true giving. Taking on the weight of the world and trying to “fix” things to make people feel better is ultimately harmful to ourselves and others. When we are over-responsible for others, we rob them of their opportunity to walk their own path. Additionally, we add unnecessary stress to our lives and sabotage our well-being. Sometimes the most effective way to help someone is by telling them no or even letting them go.

Genuine compassion means being true to ourselves, saying no when we mean no, living with integrity, and respecting people’s path. There is no need to “sacrifice” our integrity or well-being in order to be genuinely compassionate. When we are true to ourselves, we are at peace, which is the most compassionate thing we can do for the world.

The Universality of Love

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Earlier this week, I was experiencing some anxiety about participating in the Hawaii Wellness Expo because I felt that I had not prepared well enough for it. I remember feeling like I needed to have a big banner and lots of items to showcase (so funny where thoughts go especially when we have a moment of amnesia and take ourselves too seriously!). In the midst of it all, I just paused in order to truly reflect on why I was even going to the expo in the first place. The answer that arose was this is simply another opportunity to spread love and that I needed to drop all other agendas and return to the core. And that’s exactly what I did.

As soon as I remembered why I was going, an idea surfaced to ask my visitors “how do you spread Aloha?” That question led to the most amazing conversations, connections, and interactions. It was as if things became viral. People were smiling, laughing, and hugs were in abundance. It no longer became about asking people to join the mailing list or sign up for courses, it became about genuine connection and love. Over the course of the day, more than 80 people shared with us how they spread love each day. I’m tearing up as I write about it now.

I’d like to send a big thank you to everyone who passed by the booth and shared with us! This experience was an excellent reminder of what truly matters and just how universal love really is.

Mahalo for reading! May you experience infinite peace and blessings!

No Worries

“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”” -Oprah

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A lovely day at Waimanalo Beach on 3/4/14

A popular phrase you’ll hear on the island is “no worries,” especially in response to I’m sorry. I absolutely love this phrase because it reflects a sense of forgiveness and a relaxed attitude. Forgiveness has been a huge part of my journey. Learning how to forgive and let go of my worries has been essential in regards to my well-being. There is never any need to hold a grudge or to hold resentment. When we are resentful, we are bound to that particular situation and/or person; in essence, we are slaves to the past. Being able to let go and forgive is a form of freedom. Everything that happens in our lives is an opportunity for us to choose love, express gratitude, and release our stuck points.

Mahalo for reading! May you experience infinite peace and blessings!

With deep love & appreciation,

Candace