Turtle Bay is one of the spots my love and I enjoy visiting.
How often do we look to see whether our behaviors are in alignment with our intentions? Although I used to say that my relationship with my partner was my number one priority, energetically and behaviorally, my priority was work and my business. More often than not, I allowed work to consume the majority of my time and energy throughout each day. I would even allow work to be the dominating topic during conversations with my partner, until one day I realized, it simply didn’t feel good nor did it make sense. If I’m claiming that my relationship with my partner is my number one priority, then why was so little of my energy going to our relationship?
I was out of alignment. My intention was to make my relationship number one but that intention did not find its way down to my behaviors, at least not until things began to feel bad. And that’s how it sometimes goes with us humans, it’s not until we suffer that we really start to become conscious of what’s going on, which is why I believe, pain is a gift. The pain led me to wake up and see the disconnect between my intention and behaviors. Once I became aware and was able to feel the consequences of my choices, I was then able to truly make my relationship a priority in my life.
The truth is intention is not enough, our actions must match. Many times, we do not realize that we’re saying one thing but doing another. Fortunately, I no longer take for granted my partner’s loving and patient attitude, and I recognize that it is my responsibility to walk my talk.
Mahalo for reading! May you experience infinite peace and blessings!
“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself” -Richard Bach
During my mainland tour some concepts have risen to the surface, including the idea of feeling obligated to others. Historically, when I have come home to visit, I have felt obligated to see as many family and old friends as possible. I used to go to the end of the earth to make sure I saw everyone I could. This time around, things are different. Doing things out of obligation is a lose-lose situation for all parties involved. When we do things from a place of obligation, we create the space for guilt, resentment, and anger to arise. Furthermore, we create relationships that are not based on authenticity. I am committed to being true to myself by only saying yes when I genuinely mean yes, and no when I honestly mean no.
Although it may initially feel more comfortable to fulfill “obligations,” the long-term effects of doing things dishonestly are problematic. There is something special about choosing to do something as opposed to feeling obliged to do something. My cousin shared that his definition for love is honesty, and I agree. Honest relationships are loving relationships. By being true to myself, I can be true and loving to others. By being honest with myself, I can be honest with others.
Cheers to authentic and loving relationships! Mahalo for reading! May you experience infinite peace and blessings!
Click to register
I am very excited to announce that in honor of Valentine’s Day, I will be joining Happy Black Woman founder, Rosetta Thurman, for a FREE empowerment call, “Radical Self-Love: 5 Ways to Honor Your Greatness!” We’re turning the focus inward this Valentine’s Day to discuss the importance of self-love and its amazing benefits.
Date: Wednesday, February 12
Time: 8:00pm Eastern Time/3:00pm Hawaiian Time
During this free call, you will discover:
- Why self-love matters (and why the relationship to self is the most important relationship we have)
- 5 concepts that will help you honor your greatness, plus tips for putting them into practice in your daily life!
- Why it’s critical to let go of the guilt and make self-care a priority (and how you can start doing this right now)
- A powerful process for examining the beliefs you have about yourself that may be holding you back from living your ideal life
I look forward to you joining us on the call! Upon registering, you will receive a free gift from me. Please note that even if you can’t make the live call, you will be sent a recording (just be sure to register)
Click here to register
With deep love & appreciation,
If you liked this post, you may like a similar post titled “Why Self-Love Matters.”
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see someone worthy of love, joy, and happiness? Your beliefs about who you are completely shape your experiences and your actions. Have you ever noticed the differences in how people treat you when you are confident versus when you are not? The way we are treated by others is based on the energy we emit, particularly the energy we emit surrounding how we feel about ourselves. We have to be very honest about how we feel about ourselves because we are constantly creating relationships that mirror our beliefs. Often people are surprised when they are mistreated but when we look deeply, it is a reflection of the same mistreatment they express towards themselves.
When I work with my clients, I emphasize the importance of self-love. If we don’t love ourselves, it is reflected in every area of our lives. Goal-setting programs, coaches, or therapists are all influenced by our level of self-love such that if our love for self is limited, the benefits from these interventions will be minimal. You may have a supportive team or you may be great at setting goals but ultimately the outcome is most strongly related to how you feel about yourself. Self-love is a prerequisite to peace and abundance.
The good news about self-love is that you can start right now, in this moment. You can fully forgive yourself and let go of all of the things you think make you unworthy of your love. You can release all of the barriers that have prevented you from fully loving yourself. Self-love is a choice and no matter how much you hated yourself yesterday, you can completely start new now. Take this moment to acknowledge and embrace the beautiful creation that you are. When you know and honor your worth, you act accordingly and so will those around you.
Mahalo for reading! May you experience infinite peace and blessings!
With deep love and appreciation,
*If you liked this post, you may like a similar post titled “Self-Love
“The best way out is always through.” -Robert Frost
Iao Valley on Maui, HI (10/2013)
Giving up always seems to look more appealing when times get hard. The fear voice in our minds begins to intensify with the millions of reasons why we should stop. This voice has little difficulty populating the pros of quitting but struggles to identify the pros of working through situations.
This is particularly relevant in regards to interpersonal conflicts. Often, when we have an interpersonal disagreement, we lean towards giving up or avoiding the core problem. Many times we believe it’s easier to release the relationship entirely instead of trying to work towards a solution or approaching the person with compassionate understanding. Recently I realized that two of the most salient relationships in my life are with people who I had once thought about “giving up” on. There was a period when I thought these relationships had reached their potential and it was time to release them. Thank goodness that a deeper awareness urged me to reconsider and to explore my desire to release these relationships.
Once I decided to do self-reflection and committed to working through these relational conflicts, energy was instantly freed and solutions began to flow. At this point, I consider both of these relationships two of the most deeply meaningful connections I have ever developed. Today, I look back and honor the importance of working through conflicts and challenging situations. Challenging situations often have magnificent rewards. The next time an interpersonal conflict arises, I lovingly encourage you to work through the situation instead of trying to escape, avoid, or deny. Through an attitude of love and compassion, anything can be worked through.
Mahalo for reading! May we all experience infinite peace and blessings!
**This post is not applicable to physically or mentally abusive relationships or any situations that are harmful or result in being inauthentic to your true self.
“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” -Helen Keller
“There is no wealth like the wealth from having great friendships.” -My mother
As my time is winding down in Dallas, I’ve been taking the time to reflect on all of the connections I have made here over the past four years. As I write this, I’m shedding tears because I’m quite touched by having had the opportunity to connect with such amazing people. The image above is a community painting that my friends created for me at my going away party last night. This painting will forever be in my heart as it represents who I am and my growth. I am in awe by how the painting has elements of darkness and light. Moving from left to right, there is darkness that flows to authenticity, ultimately leading to the light. There’s a mirror to represent the fact that self-reflection will always lead us back to the light. Each of my dearest friends added their unique touch to this painting throughout the night; all the elements coming together to make a whole. And what’s most fascinating is that this painting was unplanned, raw creative expression.
Nothing has been more rewarding than embracing these connections with my friends. I am so honored to have people who love me unconditionally and who have chosen to walk by my side on my journey.
I deeply believe that a primary purpose of life is to honor our connectedness with others. While the relationship to self is the foundation for all other connections, our relationships to others are what nourish our souls, enhance our growth, and add unparalleled fulfillment to our lives. I am convinced that if we were meant to be alone, there would not be seven billion of us on the planet.
Thank you for reading! Wishing you all infinite peace!